Sharpening The Sawbucks

There are a million different metaphors for what money is … and some of them are based in metaphysics, e.g.: “Money is stored energy.” … others are more poetic, e.g.: “Money is a social lubricant.”

A powerful, pragmatic metaphor about money is:

“Money is a tool.”

In other words money is an instrument of facilitation of one sort or another, i.e.: when you have it you can get things done that you might otherwise have to work much harder to accomplish, or might not get done at all.

I like that metaphor about money for two reasons; a) it places money in the context of its use and not as an end in and of itself, and b) it places money alongside other tools I have available to me to get things done if or when I don’t have access to the money I’d like to have to use in the moment (I learned that there’s more than one way to build a treehouse).

 

Getting Familiar With Tools

My father is a carpenter by trade, and a master craftsman. Growing up I spent many hours working with my father on job sites doing all kinds of projects. Some of these projects were heavy constuction such as putting a roof on a building, others were finishing projects like installing custom moulding in a room, or building furniture.

In the case of heavy construction or finishing, or any project in between, my father relied on his tools to get the job done. I loved my father’s toolbox and all of the stuff in it …

Hammers, chisels, saws, rulers, squares, nail sets, hand drills, screw drivers, chalk lines, planes … all kinds of amazing tools.

My father accumulated these tools over many years, and some were virtually ancient … like his hand brace (bitstock) and the bits that went into it, others were almost brand new, e.g.: most of his electric tools.

There were two very important things I learned about tools from my father in those days.

The first thing was: having the right tool for the job make things easier and also often helps to make the outcome better.

For example in a pinch you could use a screwdriver to remove some wood from a door frame to set a hinge, but using a screw driver as a chisel never produced a result that was anywhere near what you could produce with a chisel, and the outcome was almost always unacceptable if your intention were to do fine work.

The second thing was: keeping your tools sharp, and in good condition, was essential if you wanted them to do the job they were intended for when you needed them.

There were a few other things I learned along the way as well, like always put your tools back when you finish using them so you know where they are the next time you need them, and … it’s better to put your tools back in the toolbox exactly where they were when you took them out, because the next time you go to look for them they will be right where you expect them (to be).

 

Refining The Process

I began to notice that at some point my father stopped taking his toolbox with him on all of his jobs. Instead he began changing his habits a bit. He would take only the tools he knew he was going to need, and he took less and less tools with him as he got older (and more skillful).

What was happening was that as he got older, wiser and more skillful he needed less tools to get the job done. In fact I’d say as he got older his work got better.

That was actually kind of amazing to me, because he had truly learned how to do more with less (unlike most politicians and governments it seems who do less with more as time goes by …).

My first career was in architecture. In my early twenties I was a founding partner in an interior architectural design firm with two friends. We specialized in doing very high-end interiors work, mostly in New York City, and in the wealthy suburbs surrounding it.

I was doing space planning and designing custom furniture, flooring, and window and wall treatments for some of the finest offices in the skyscrapers of New York City, and at the same time doing interior design in some of the most opulent homes in the area for our clients.

At times my father would work with me on projects doing the carpentry work for my clients. By this time he was semi-retired, but still working eagerly on the projects that interested him. We did some amazing things together, and I got to watch him create at the height of his craft.

This is when I most noticed that he had begun streamlining his toolset, taking a kind of minimalist approach to his work. Yet, it was also some of the best work I’d ever seen him produce. Our clients loved him and the outcomes he would create for them.

 

Refining My Vision

It’s years later, and my father is an older man and grandfather … still mobile and capable, but doing very little of that kind of work. However, whenever he’s asked he’s still up for taking on a project for the family, or in his own home.

Now my dad is most likely to travel with just a tool belt … a hammer, a chisel or two, a ruler and triangle square and maybe a screwdriver … maybe. Only if he really needs them will he take along one or two specialized tools, but more often than not it’s just his tool belt … not the heavy wooden toolbox I used to carry around on job sites as a kid working alongside him.

He learned the value of only depending on the tools he really needs, and no more. In the process of watching him refine his working approach I’ve learned something about paring down my needs and desires for “tools” as well.

I love having the tools I need to do a job … in my case a fast, reliable laptop connected to a fast, reliable Internet connection, and a few other specialized tools I break out when I need them too, like my video camera and wireless mic set.

I’m long past the days of wanting more than I need, or investing the time and energy to do what it would take to get more when I can do just as well with less.

In fact I find I’m doing more and better work with less these days … just like my “old man” taught me by example.

What I’ve found, and didn’t expect, is that my vision has become more precise and clear as I’ve learned to give up depending on having more than I need … to the point where I no longer want more than I need.

I think this is the essence of freedom … knowing you can get by well with what you have and no more … it’s a freedom I’ve come to appreciate and treasure.

I love having learned to walk a little more lightly upon the Earth, and in respecting her in this way I’ve come to respect myself a bit more as well. Long gone are the days where I chased “more” without knowing how much was “enough” …

My soul has come to rest in this new way of being, just like the simple carpenter I learned it from, without him ever knowing that he was teaching me one of the most valuable lessons of my life.

Thanks dad.

 

Love,

Your son,  Joseph.

 

 

Joseph Riggio, Ph.D.

Princeton, N.J.

Emotional Vampires

 

Just a few days ago I wrote about “EVP – Emotional Projectile Vomiting” … something folks who have no awareness of their emotional states other than as explosive experiences beyond their control spew the contents of their emotions all over others.

In that post I assert that this is a particularly nasty and all too common human trait. I also laid out the structure of how EVP happens and even some suggestions about what to do about it if you’re a sufferer.

However, there’s another side to nasty human emotional responses … the Emotional Vampires.

 

The Sad Story Of The Too Kind King

There is a fable about a very kingly and kindly king who ruled a kingdom a long time ago, far, far away.

The story goes something like this …

One day in a massive battle against another kingdom during a particularly brutal time in the fighting one of the king’s closest companions, a boyhood friend and confidant, was challenging a foe who was too big, too strong and too fast for him to handle alone.

Just as the tables turned against the king’s companion, and he found himself about to be pierced by his opponent’s sword and struck dead, his opponent unceremoniously fell to the ground … and as he did his head rolled slightly to the side sliding off it’s neck to lie still on the ground next to his body.

The shocked man followed the falling body and the rolling head with his eyes, as his body was frozen in place – unable to move, until he looked up and away to see the king with his bloody sword in hand.

Immediately the king’s companion realized what the king had done and wept tears of graditude as he hugged his friend thanking him. The king accepted his friend’s graditude simply and silently, thinking to himself there was nothing else to do, but what he had done.

After the battle ended with victoriously for the king, he and his companions went their separate ways … the king back to the palace, the companion back to farm. A few years went by and one day a small caravan passed by the king’s companion’s farm and he saw the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and fell in love at first sight – fortunately for him, she too fell in love with him as soon as she laid her eyes on him.

He knew he had to follow this woman and did so, back to the palace. When he arrived he found out that this woman was the king’s younger sister, a princess … who the king delightly offered to marry him to when he heard of their love. Soon after the wedding the princess became pregnant and they had a daughter born to them.

There was much rejoicing at the fortune of the young couple, as any news spread quickly in the small kingdom. However, just two years later the young princess fell deathly ill … and it seemed all hope was lost. But the king would not hear of it and sent his personal physician to care for his niece, and miraculously the physician healed the girl bringing her back to full vigorous health.

The companion and his wife, the king’s sister, were overjoyed at their daughter’s recovery, and for many more years all was well. Then there was a terrible drought and the farm failed, leaving the family near starvation. One day, without fanfare or notice a carriage from the king’s palace arrived to take them to the king, saving the companion and his family once again.

When they arrived at the palace the companion went to see the king. They met in the king’s private chamber, the king opened a bottle of his best wine and poured them both a cup. Then the king was called away for a moment on some affair of the state, and when he returned they drank together.

Almost immediately the king felt himself seized by terrible convulsions, and he knew he had been poisoned. He looked to his friend asking him with gasping breaths to call the physicians, but his lifelong companion did not move, instead he slowly sipped the wine in his own cup.

Then the king knew … it was he, his childhood friend, the one he loved as a brother, that had poisoned him. He managed to croak out but one word as he slowly died, “Why?”

The companion looked away and said, “How could I live with this … when you have done so much for me … so much I could never hope to repay you?” He continued, “For as long as you are alive, as long as I know that you live and I may see you, or hear your voice, I know that I will carry the burden of your gifts and the weight of them has broken me.”

The king was astonished at this, but did not have the strength to speak. His last breath rattled in this throat and his old friend spoke to him one last time, “This my dear friend you brought upon yourself … so much kindness can never be borne by one so common … I would say that I am sorry, but in truth, I am not.”

And so the story begins …

 

How Emotional Vampires Get Their Fangs

It may seem counter-intuitive to presume that an excess of kindness creates a monster, but so often that is in fact the case.

The fact of the matter is that when the scales of relationship become excessively imbalanced in favor of one person in the relationship, the other person begins to experience a kind of relentless guilt that’s unbearable and impenetrable. Simply … there is no way that the receiver of such extraordinarily excessive kindness can ever imagine how they will rebalance the relationship … so they begin to see the giver as an oppressor rather than a benefactor.

However, these folks are seldom then able to remain content with simply taking out their vengence on their benefactor, they often begin to build a kind of expectation that transitions to entitlement.

When someone begins to experience a sense of entitlement they begin to expect others to take care of them, to ensure they get to experience what they desire, regardless of the cost to others.

One of the ways this kind of expectation is expressed is in the manifestation of the Emotional Vampire … the person who drains the energy and emotions of others relentlessly to fulfill their own desires and needs.

Emotional Thievery

The nature of vampire’s behavior is often contradictory. While they seem needy and weak, this is just a smoke screen for justifying their demanding and insistent nature.

“GIVE ME! GIVE ME! GIVE ME! … I HAVE NEEDS!!!” … rings forth from them in their every breath and act. Yet their words are often softly spoken, almost inaudible at times. Their movements may be deliberate, smooth and slow, belaying their real intention to steal what they can from others.

Like a thief in the night, Emotional Vampires often take what they believe they need and want without being noticed until they have fled. Only afterwards … when the victim is feeling drained and weak themselves do they begin to notice that something has been taken from them.

By then it is too late to recapture what has been lost … but it is not too late to keep what remains … and to rebuild the emotional treasury.

“PREPARE YE!”

Crosses, Garlic Necklaces and Wooden Stakes

Like with most things a little knowledge is a dangerous thing … and when it comes to Emotional Vampires your having a little knowledge is a dangerous thing for them.

Probably all this means nothing to you if you’ve never been bit by an Emotional Vampire … but if you have this will make all too much sense.

You’ll know you’ve been bitten by the symptoms you experience after the bite … a strange, unyeilding fatigue … a terrible sense of longing for relief, but relief from what or whom remains vague or utterly unknown … what feels like complete exhaustion down to the center of your bones …

Sometimes just the thought of spending time with the vampire is enough to bring on the symptoms.

But … fear not. Now that you’re beginning to learn the symptoms and the cause you can prepare yourself to resist the onslaught of the vampires before it begins.

First you must do is to raise your level of self-awareness (as I wrote about in my posting about Emotional Projectile Vomiting this is an area we place extensive emphasis on in the MythoSelf Process work).

You need to be able to recognize the symptoms of having been bitten by an Emotional Vampire after you have been … then as you are experiencing the symptoms … and then as you are beginning to sense them coming on … and finally when you are in the presence of an Emotional Vampire before they begin their treachery.

STEP ONE: Re-gaining Your Ground

Self awareness is the key to recognizing the symptoms of being bitten, as well as being able to notice when you are in the presence of a vampire.

The kind of self awareness I’m referring to is an awareness of how your being in the moment … a body-based awareness that is somatically organized. You need to be able to notice for subtle somatic changes in yourself, and attend to them properly.

One of the key premises of the MythoSelf Process is that how we are (and how we operate) in any given moment is somatically organized … or grounded in our bodies.

This is linked to another fundamental premise that cognition is embodied as well … i.e.: that we literally think with and in our bodies … therefore you must learn how to notice the subtle cognitive shifts that show up in the body first (another thing we feature in MythoSelf Process training for good reason).

STEP TWO: Re-setting The Field

In all human interaction there is an exchange that everyone who is engaged in the interaction experiences.

Some folks like to refer to what they experience in their interaction with other using words like energy, chi, ki or prana … whatever the name for this field that something is exchanged between us is plain and clear for most people.

While the experience is ineffable, the recognition that something meaningful has been exchanged and that something meaningful has transpired between people is unmistakable.

This is part of the human field and it feeds us and nourishes us, emotionally and spiritually, as food nourishes us physically.

Emotional Vampires are gluttons for the charge of this experience … they seek only to dwell in the field of human interaction and feed … they consume much while contributing little.

To reset the field, such that you are not suceptible to the lure of the vampire, you must be able to reconnect the three main centers of human experience so they operate integrally.

The Three Main Centers of Human Experience

The three main centers of human experience are:

1. The Head Center (or the intellect)

2. The Heart Center (or the emotions)

3. The Gut Center (or the intuitions)

Working with the three main centers of human experience in an integrated way is referred to as operating in wholeform within the MythoSelf Process work.

When you are operating in wholeform manner, with all three main centers integrated, you are able to notice for what we call “Signals In The System” in the MythoSelf Process model.

Signals In The System are subtle signs that you begin notice perceptually via your five senses and simultaneously intuit via changes in the environment tat create shifts you experience internally within yourself (in part this is the power of re-setting somatic ground).

One of the effects of deep meditation practice is the awakening and re-integration of the three main centers of human experience. However, this is not the only way …

In addition to silent meditation and/or active contemplation, another process for awakening and re-integrating is working somatically.

Clinical somatic re-education, things like the Alexander Technique, Feldenkrais Work or Hanna Somatics, are among the practices reported to produce an effect that is similar to deep meditation.

There are other somatic practices that are more active as well … Yoga, Chi Kung, Sufi Dancing … that also create shifts that may lead to an awakening and re-integration of the three main centers of human experience.

However, in the MythoSelf Process we use very subtle forms of somatic interventions, as well as those resembling the more familiar practices like those I’ve mentioned.

The sublte form of somatics we use when training in the MythoSelf Process model opeate at the micro-muscular level … sometimes intending to focus on the idea of twitching as little as a single muscle fiber.

STEP THREE: Keeping the Vampires At Bay

Regardless of the process it is essential for your emotional and spiritual wellbeing that you keep the Emotional Vampires at bay.

When you’ve learned to operate in wholeform the ability to notice the shift in the environment as a vampire begins to feed on the emotional charge in the field becomes instantly available to you.

When you are organized in wholeform, i.e.: in an integrated way, you can immediately shift what you are doing and disrupt the pattern the vampire runs to escalate the emotional charge.

The primary shift you learn to make is internal, the ability to maintain your state regardless of the circumstance or situation you find yourself confronting … or to change it if that’s more appropriate or useful to you.<

You’ll also intuitively know how to notice for and interrupt patterns of behavior and speech that create the kind of charge that Emotional Vampires feed on and drain you.

The third powerful resource for dealing with vampires that becomes available to you when you are operating from a wholeform position is the ability to shift the direction of an interaction, steering the emotional quality in the positive direction, e.g.: to joy, happiness, optimism … something Emotional Vampires hate.

The Final Word …

Emotional Vampires feed on negative emotions, not positive ones … they luxuriate in sharing the misery of others, and their lure is often their own misery, which they freely share to take control of the interaction.

When you refuse to have the negative conversations that vampires so often gorge on they are stunned and will reveal themselves openly.

You will be accused of not caring about them, being insensitive, ignoring their needs, acting in a hurtful way … yet, if you learn to listen closely you’ll hear that every word they speak is about them … their feelings, their needs, their desires … they deplore your selfishness!!!

Don’t give in … never, never, never, never give in …

Just say “NO!”

 

Best,

Joseph Riggio, Ph.D.

Princeton, NJ

 

PS – My book “The State of Perfection“ has a full set of examples of me pointing out and working with Emotional Vampires in the training room … and helping the folks there learn how to deal with the ones not in the room … sometime living at home with them. Pick up a copy and let me know what you think about it …

GET IT NOW: The State of Perfection on Amazon.com

Are You An …
Emotional Projectile Vomiter???

 

I was having a conversation with a colleague this mornign and it turned to the concept of “Emotional Projectile Vomiting” … a unfortunately common human exchange.

Let me take you back a bit in our dialogue first (the one I was having with my colleague Mark) …

 

The Thalamic-Cortical Pause

We began when Mark brought up a concept from Alfred Korzybski the creator of General Semantics, the “thalamic pause.”

The concept of the thalamic pause played a significant role in the “Null-A” science-ficition novels of A.E. Von Vogt. The thalamic pause is about stopping when there is a limbic response to attend to the sensory data that is present, and likely linked to and generating the limbic response.

Okay … okay … yes, Mark and I are “MythoGeeks” (i.e.: a reference to folks who are trained in and use the MythoSelf Process as a means to attend to their experience and manage their perceptions, thinking and behavior).

I’ll put it into simpler English for the non-MythoGeeks.

The thalamic pause (or thalamic-cortical pause) that Korzybski’s work points to is a reference to experiencing an emotional response that is generated in the limbic system due to data in the environment that is experienced and perceived.

The data could be sensorial, such as something you see or hear like the sight of a large werewolf roaring while it runs to attack you, or it could be informational like something you read or hear that creates an internal response as you process it, like a “Dear John” note, or your lover telling you that they’re leaving you for a goat they just met recently.

The specific data is not relevant, it’s the limbic, i.e.: emotive, response that Korzybski and Van Vogt point to in reference the thalamic-cortical system.

The challenge for most people is that the emotive response is faster than thinking can be, and by the time they kick in thinking it is at the very least colored by their emotive repsonse … or worst they only begin thinking after they have already responded behaviorally.

In other words people often act without thinking based on purely emotional reasons that actually have nothing to do with getting them the outcomes they want.

 

Emotional Projectile Vomiting

One of the ways people react is via Emotional Projective Vomiting … a particularly disgusting, and common, human behavior.

So here’s the case …

Someone has an experience they upsets them, e.g.:

• someone cuts them off in a line they’re waiting in
• someone grabs the last grapefruit from the display
• their lover says something they don’t want to hear
• someone offers a political opinion you disagree with
• someone has the wrong color skin or calls G-d by the wrong name
• … or, or, or … ad infinitum …

Someone does something that you don’t like … so you respond with Emotional Projectile Vomiting …

It’s really that simple … someone does something you don’t like and you spew emotional vomit all over them.

It could be something agressive that you do … e.g.: saying something nasty to them, giving them a dirty look, punching them in their face …

It could be a more passive aggressive response … e.g.: giving them the cold shoulder, using the silent treatment, withholding sex …

It doesn’t matter how you express it, the end result is that you’ve emotionally vomited on them.

This is the equivalent of a thalamic-cortical breakdown, where the emotional response overrides the ability to choose wisely and well. Yet this is also the most common way people respond when their emotions are pricked.

 

Interrupting the Thalamic-Cortical Breakdown

So what Mark mentioned is that he’s seen me repeatedly “just let things go emotionally” … meaning that he’s seen me have a response, pause and move on, even though he’s recognized that I didn’t like what just happened, or the news I received.

I said,

“Of course I just let things go that I can’t control or do anything about … there’s nothing I can do about them that would be useful … so the only sane choice is to move on.”

It’s not that I don’t care … it’s that I’m able to make the distinction between what I can change, and what I cannot.

I can also make the distinction between what’s about me, and what’s about others … and I let them keep their shit. I don’t take their shit on me, primarily because if I did it would upset me and I’d have to emotionally vomit to rid myself of the upsetting input.

When I can do something that makes a difference I do … and I act immediately. Then I move on to the next thing. I don’t linger on what I’ve done, either in regret or rejoicing – that’s like emotionally chewing cud (maybe something for another posting …).

 

Taking Control of Your Emotions

Here’s the trick …

To move beyond Emotional Projectile Vomiting (or the thalamic-cortical breakdown) you must attend to the Sensory Data AND the Sensory Experience you’re having in response to it.

Attending to the sensory data is about noticing what’s really going on, i.e.: somebody said something (NOT the content but the fact that something has been said), that they used a particular tone of voice, that they looked a particular way when they said it, that they gestured in a particular way … blah, blah, blah … THE SENSORY STUFF!!!

This takes external sensory acuity (something we work extensively with to enhance in the MythoSelf Process work we do, what we call Situational Awareness). Most people are incapable of noticing more than the most trival and obvious information because they are untrained.

Although most people “look” few actually “see” to paraphrase the brilliant deductive detective Sherlock Holmes.

Instead of noticing and attending to the information that is present and available, one molecule of information sets most people off emotionally and their sensory systems shut down.

One of things that we emphasize in MythoSelf Work, more than is written about by Sherlock Holmes creator Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, is remaining present and aware in real-time to the emergent data … i.e.: noticing what happens as it’s happening, not after the fact, and responding in real-time as well.

This about “calibrating” … “tracking” … and ultimately “adumbrating” information as it’s emerging, and moving sympathetically and empathetically in response to the system-at-large (this is the basis for wellformedness, or being both structurally and functionally wellformed as we discuss it in MythoSelf Process training).

Sensory experience is about noticing your internal sensorial response to any given situation you’re experiencing. This is about internal sensory acuity … and it’s the basis of establishing a thalamic-cortical pause (something we spend even more time on in MythoSelf Process work than on external sensory acuity).

To create a pause between your emotional response and acting based on it without thinking (a thalamic-cortical pause), you need to learn to separate the emotional experience from the sensory experience you’re having about it.

Whenever you have an emotional experience you are having body-based sensations associated with it. The ordinary knee-jerk reaction to these sensations is to associate them with emotional meaning … and immediately, subsequently emotional judgement for most people.

E.g.:

There is an integrated body-based set of sensations you typically experience as “being angry” … and another set of sensations as “being joyful” … and so on and so forth with each set of sensations and emotions you experience.

When “someone makes you angry” the typical response is to link a judgement about their actions to them, i.e.: “they’re being a jerk” … yet what actually occurred is that you responded to their behavior in a particular way, that generated a particular set of sensations in you that you label anger … and you accuse them of causing them!!!

Every sensation you have is yours … and, “no one can make you have a sensation if you don’t let them.”

In order to control the sensations you have, you need to own them, and claim them as your own … you need to step up the game you’re playing and take responsibility for your emotional responses … otherwise you give the keys to your emotional kingdom away to whomever choose to push your buttons!

AHH-HA!!!

This is the part almost no one likes … i.e.: the taking responsibility that they create every emotional response they have … and no one can make them have their emotions.

 

Taking Thalamic-Cortical Control

Well … I could go on and on about this stuff, but suffice it to say that you get to choose …

You can either begin taking stock of your sensory experience, separating the emotional response from the sensory response and learning to attend to your sensory response and controlling it … or you can continue Emotional Projectile Vomiting everytime the world doesn’t show up the way you’d like it to …

Attending to and notcing your sensory responses means recognizing that emotional labels for your experience have specific sensory forms you experience bodily as well, e.g.: when you’re angry you may begin to clench your fists (I do!) … and simply unclenching them begins to disapate the anger substantially.

With enough practice you can begin to notice the onset of the emotions you about to be having at a body-based level, i.e.: as your body begins to respond to the limbic signals, and you can create a pause and unwind the limbic override of your thinking.

Taking control of your emotions does NOT mean not having your emotions!!!

Instead it means recognizing them for what they are, i.e.: body-based sensations, that are in response to some data in the system that you are experiencing …

AND, THEN MAKING GOOD CHOICES ABOUT HOW TO USE YOUR EMOTIONAL RESPONSES TO GET THE OUTCOMES YOU WANT ON YOUR OWN AND WITH OTHERS!

N.B.:

When you do take control of your emotional responses, and make high-quality decisions about what action to be taking, you are likely to get some surprised responses from folks around you.

One of the things that may happen is that you will be seen as “robotic” and “in-human” to them as you stop your Emotional Projectile Vomiting.

Forgive them …

Think about it … how could someone live with themselves if they are constantly presenting others with their Emotional Projectile Vomiting and have to accept it’s not “just human” to be out of control and spewing all over others???

So the only explanation they can have for you, which allows them to remain at peace with themselves (if you can call it “peace”) is to make you into an in-human monster because you’ve begun to see the world a bit more clearly than they …

All the Best,

Joseph Riggio, Ph.D.

Architect & Designer of the MythoSelf Process and SomaSemantics

PS – You’ll get a ton more about this topic when you’ve read my book, “The State of Perfection“ … you can get it at Amazon.com … CLICK HERE NOW …

PPS – Another good (and really accessible) book about General Semantics and learning more about taking control of your life is: “Drive Yourself Sane“ by Susan and Bruce Kodish (here’s the link: Drive Yourself Sane @ Amazon.com).

Animal Nature

“We are first and foremost animals, sharing more in common than not with our animal relatives.

More than anything we long to experience and explore our animal nature … to luxuriate in the freedom of it … like a cat stretching fully, lying in a puddle of sun, confident that her next meal will soon wander by unbidden.”

There’s a joke of sorts that the comedian C.K. Louis tells (I think … but someone will correct me if it’s someone else …). The gist of the joke is that G-d is talking to him and they get into a discussion of why he has to work. He says something like, “I have to work to earn money.” G-d asks him, “Why … what do you need money for?” The response that follows is predictable, “Well to buy stuff … like food to feed my family.”

At this point G-d freaks out … basically yelling, “What do you mean you have to work to earn money to buy food???!!!??? I left it on the ground for you!!!”

This is the reality we live in when we allow ourselves to experience it that way … the food is basically laying on the ground waiting for us to pick it up. Maybe, if we want meat, we have to hunt or fish to get it … but it’s still there waiting for us to grab it when it comes by.

I know that most folks aren’t living this lifestyle, hunter/gatherer, and neither do I … I’m imagining that anyone reading this post on a blog isn’t a hunter/gatherer by trade … call me crazy!

What remains though are two aspects that we need to take into account if we want to live the life that’s available to us as our birthright …

 

Essential Human Nature

The first point is that we are indeed suited biologically to a hunter/gatherer lifestyle. Hell, the emergence and popularity of “Cross-Fit” training speaks to the appeal (and value) of functional fitness. This is exactly what a hunter/gatherer lifestyle would provide by virtue of “picking up the food lying around” and/or doing what it takes to find it, carry it and prepare it. The same would be true of the activities required for native, primative hunting … natural cross-fit training.

I remember loving training scenes inthe Rocky movie where Slyvester Stallone fights Dolph Lundgren, i.e.: Ivan Drago (I think it was Rocky #207).

Drago is training under the most sophisticated regimen imaginable … with super advanced equipment, monitoring and scientists at his beck and call. The results are impressive. At one point he punches a pressure pad and the power is off the scales!

Then we have the scenes where Rocky is training (in the film the fight is to take place in Russia, and Rocky is give a dacha in the woods to do his training … in the heart of winter). Rocky is chopping wood, pulling sleds, carrying logs, running through knee deep snow … “cross-fit functional training … and the movement replicates anything Drago can accomplish with all his fancy equipment. Of course Rocky gets as fit and strong as Drago … and the rest is history as they say.

The second thing we want to account for is that we are ideally suited to life in this world, in this Universe. The Universe spawned us, and then we began shaping the world, and shaping ourselves (the human species … from homo sapiens to homo sapiens sapiens).

We can still organize ourselves to operate in a “natural” way, such that life comes to us and provides us for what we need and want. To live this way we’d need to learn how to notice for the opportunities that are available to us, and to be prepared to take advantage of the ones that show up. What I call noticing for the “Signals in the System.”

We would also have to begin to let go … we’d need to allow ourselves to accept what shows up and move along the path of least resistance. This is not lollygagging. We still need to organize and focus on acting to maximize the opportunities that show up for us.

A cat does not lay in the sun where it’s unlikely to find suitable prey when it’s hungry, nor does it lay in such a way that the food it’s seeking avoids it. A cat knows better … it doesn’t feel entitled to eat … it works for it.

A cat begins by learning the basic rules of hunting (and hunger) from it’s time as a kitten under the direction of it’s mother. When it makes mistakes it gets wacked and goes hungry. Unlike the players under Mike Rice who weren’t supposed to be “abused” verbally and physically by the 44 year old coach … who didn’t walk off when he did these things by the way. The kitten is tougher … and probably smarter too.

So life shows up and teaches us if we let it … and when we let it we get stronger and smarter as a result (see: “Anti-Fragile” by Nassim Taleb). This is true for everyone, applicable for anyone who is an employer or employee (see: “Political Savvy” by Joel R. DeLuca), and especially true for entrepreneurs (see anything by Seth Godin, e.g.: “Whatcha Gonna Do With That Duck?” or “David and Goliath” by Malcolm Gladwell.

 

Resetting the System

HOWEVER …

 

“Most folks are too scared and set in their ways to remain open to what life is offering them … they always begin from something, hoping to get to something, acting so they can get something … and most of the time they are disappointed when they get it, or too busy running off to the next thing to appreciate what they have … so instead of getting what’s available, experiencing the magic and magnificence of being alive and fully human, they settle for what’s familiar and comfortable.”

 

There’s really a deep lesson here … beyond cognitive dissonance, which is surely present … or cognitive inertia, which is also at play.

If you’re always beginning from SOMETHING … you never get to experience the freedom and joy contained in NOTHING.

It’s been an argument of mine for a long time now that in order to get/have the life that is waiting for us we have to give up the one we have (not my quote BTW … I got this one from Joseph Campbell … try: “A Joseph Campbell Companion: Reflections on the Art of Living” by Diane Osbon (Editor) – and get the hardcover edition, with the ribbon and beautiful torn edge pages.) You have to get to NOTHING to become free of what constrains you, limits you and you think IS you (HINT: that’s NOT you).

What’s fantastic … is that under the veneer of SOMETHING … you’ll expose NOTHING, and find your Animal Nature … waiting patiently (all animals know how to wait patiently … even when they are actively waiting).

Your Animal Nature only knows NOTHING. Therefore when you are in touch with your Animal Nature you’ll be ready and able to do anything.

From NOTHING, there’s literally nothing in your way … nothing stopping you … nothing you have to fix, get over or make better.

From NOTHING everything is just pure learning … and the next NOTHING begins from an entirely different place … maybe another Universe entirely … with another you waiting for you to find out who you are … patiently waiting … vaya con Dios.

Joseph Riggio, Ph.D.

Princeton, NJ

 

 

MythoSelf Behavioral Communication – Professional Certification Training

Langebaek, Denmark 29 July – 9 August

(You just might get NOTHING … if you pay attention, keep your sole in the room, and you’re lucky …)

 

MythoSelf Behavioral Communication
Program Details

All Words Are Incantations, Casting A Spell On All Who Speak And Hear Them

 

Every “system I’ve ever come across has jargon it uses that marks out what’s most special within it.

In NLP (neurolinguistic programming) there is the magic of “WHY?” … that which should not be spoken.

In General Semantics the word “IS“ becomes the evil to be avoided … freezing the world into perpetual slumber.

Gurdjieff’s 4th Way and “The Work” locked onto “I“ … pointing to the ego and the need to find the true “I“ hidden within.

Zen priests and practioners often speak of “Not-Doing“ … and in doing that achieving Satori or Enlightenment.

There are many other systems I could be pointing to that recognize and use the power of words, or magical phrases to both unlock the mystery, awe and wonder of the Universe for their followers … and in doing so lock them into the system.

But this cannot be helped until the system fulfills the role of unleashing what is hidden in plain sight … the simplicity of Being and Doing, i.e.: Being and Becoming who you already are … and letting the Universe be what it is,including all the other folks milling around in it.

‘Course this could all get very philosophical, or worst start sounding all spiritual … but,

 

This ain’t That!

 

 

The MythoSelf Process & Soma-Semantics

 

In the system I’ve been architecting for years now I too have stumbled upon Magical Phrases … if you were to ask a few students I’ve worked with along the way I’m sure you’d come across a bunch of ’em.

I do however want to revisit a particular Magical Phrase that I think of as a core concept in the model I’ve been designing and building out.
 
 

“ENOUGH“

 
 
I’ve been writing a lot about “NOTHING“ recently, and for now I’m going to leave that Magical Phrase alone.

I haven’t written much about “ENOUGH“ recently … and I think it’s time to reconsider how important it is for getting the essential benefit the MythoSelf Process model has to offer.

“ENOUGH“ may be the most misunderstood word in modernity, because for most folks it doesn’t exist.

“ENOUGH“ is like a ghost … something you think may exist, and may even believe you’ve glimpsed from time to time, but not something you can really nail down and come to terms with.

Building and nurturing a healthy relationship with “ENOUGH seems to be something that only the very old and the very wise seem to be able to do.

So here’s the simple question for ‘ya …
 
 

How much is ENOUGH?

 

• -How much is enough money?
• -How much is enough fame?
• -How much is enough love?
• -How much is enough autonomy?
• -How much is enough power?
• -How much is enough influence?
• -How much is enough recognition?

 

• -How much … how much … how much …

 

Most people cannot answer even one of these questions for themselves. That’s the power of “ENOUGH“ in their lives … it’s overwhelming!

You may be thinking, “Hey wait a second Joseph … you’re really writing about ‘NOT ENOUGH’ here!” … but it’s really the lack of getting “ENOUGH“ that I’m on about.
 
 
 

Resetting the “ENOUGH” Switch

 

Let’s begin again …

 

STEP ONE:

What if you conceded for argument’s sake that whatever you now have is “ENOUGH … regardless of how much or how little that is right now.

Think about it …

Run through the first question above … and come up with an answer regarding what you now have … in the very moment, as you’re reading this … and decide (just for now) that it is “ENOUGH“ … and let that sink in … then move onto the next question and repeat the process until you’ve completed my list.

(NOTE: When you get to: -How much … how much … how much … … just put in THIS … THIS … THIS …“ referencing what is immediately present in the moment to you.)

How’s that feel? (You really have to take the 90 seconds it takes to do the mental exercise to know.)

When you can instantiate how much is ENOUGH with a concrete example from your life … even if you’re just playing along … does it change how you feel about how much “ENOUGH is for you?

(By the way … if you should get stuck on any of the particulars as you’re answering the question/s think about how come that particular thing/concept catches you.)

 

STEP TWO:

Okay now do the mental exercise and change the questions to read in your mind “How much is MORE THAN ENOUGH?” … and put in the same answers as before.

How does it feel to know you have “MORE THAN ENOUGH“ – maybe for the very first time?

If you really did the exercise in your mind … projecting the expereince all the way into your body … you would have already had some shift in the Soma-Semantic response to what is “ENOUGH.”

So if you haven’t run through it all quickly again … this time noticing for the shift in your felt experience (that’s in your body) … and notice how that shift impacts how you think about the word (i.e.: “ENOUGH“).

This is the way you being taking control of the “Magical Phrases“ in your life (believe me there are others … try these on for size:

• -Fairness
• -Justice
• -Respect
• -Honor
• -Honesty
• -Loyalty
• -Fidelity

there that should get you starting thinking again …)

 

STEP THREE:

Okay … we’re almost done for the day …

Just one last thing … start at “NOTHING“ then ask yourself all the questions about How much …” again.

I’m betting the answer/s will be interesting.
 
 
 

MORE?

 
 
A society/culture that doesn’t have a grasp of the concept of “ENOUGH“ will be unlikely to ever be able to satisfy itself … creating the need for an unending stream of “MORE“ … and the will to take (read: “steal”) what they desire from others, leaving them without.

We live and have lived in the state of “NOT ENOUGH“ for all of modernity … and probably for long before that too. It is difficult to find an example of an entire society or culture that has attained and absorbed the concept of “ENOUGH.”

So, we live with war, famine, genocide … the horrors of the human condition … and we choose to do nothing about them … often feeling powerless in the face of “MORE … MORE … MORE …“ and the brutal competitiveness that demands of us all.

Learning the Hobbesian way … that “(the) life (of man) is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short. leading ultimately to a “war of all against all“ (“bellum omnium contra omnes“).

The philosopher Thomas Hobbes sought a politically-based solution, based in government and central control.

However, what I’m proposing is a bit different … instead of trying to change or alter an entire society or culture, beginning with just one person … yourself … and beginning with and from “NOTHING” … such a “Magical Phrase“ that one.

 

All the best,

Joseph Riggio, Ph.D.

Princeton, NJ

 

PS –

LAST 48 HOURS …

 
 
There’s still about 48 hours left to take advantage of the heavy Early-Bird discounts for the summer training in Denmark … if nothing else you probably will not want to miss the CRAZY Discount for the entire 12 Day Video Package … (it’s less than $500 if you pre-order it before midnight tomorrow) …
 
 

MythoSelf Behavioral Communication
Professional Certification Training

Presented by ABTI | Princeton and Acuity World, DK

SPECIAL ONE WEEK ONLY OFFER
(expires 19 June 2013)

 

Opps … I made a BIG MISTAKE …

My partner Henrik Wenoe, at Acuity World has been on my case for weeks (months really) to announce this training program to my list … but I’ve simply been swamped.

The Early-Bird pricing “officially” ended on 15 May 2013 … and here we are almost a month later and I haven’t even let folks know about this powerful program we’re running this summer.

So I’m taking the blame and doing what I can to make it up to you …

For the next week you can still get the Early-Bird pricing for either attending the event live in-person, or via Live Internet Simulcast (there’s even an option to pre-purchase just the videos) … when you register directly using this link:

MythoSelf Behavioral Communication – Summer Intensive

You’ll SAVE $3000 from the Regular Investment for this 12-day Intensive program when you attend it live (BTW the investment includes room and board with three meals a day, snacks and coffee/tea/water all day long).

If you want to attend via the Live Internet Simulcast … now broadcast in HD via my private LiveSteam MythoSelf Channel … or pre-purchase the HD video recordings, you’ll be able to take advantage of the Early-Bird pricing as well.

BUT … you must act immediately to get the Early-Bird Pricing (there’s also a three-payment plan I’ve set up for you as well if you want to spread out your payments over three months) …

Here’s the link you need to use to register and get the Early-Bird pricing:

MythoSelf Behavioral Communication – Summer Intensive

 

 

[NOTE: The full program brochure is here: http://www.acuityworld.com/pictures_da/med_clips/Joseph%20Riggio_2013.pdf]

 

 

“Communication Rules The World … But Thankfully That Doesn’t Really Matter Too Much.” – J. Riggio

 

Most folks I know would agree that communication is one way we order our thinking.

Maybe they’d even agree that the way we order our thinking is the way we order our life.

Some might even go so far as to agree that the way we order our thinking is the way we construct “reality” as we know it, or experience it.

Those who would go so far as to agree that the way we order our thinking is the way we construct “reality” could be on track to agree that “reality” is a construct of our thinking … and nothing more than that.

However, this post isn’t about that particular philosophical discussion.

This post is about the relationship between communication and thought, and then thought and action – therefore the relationship between communication and action (a “hoc igitur quod” argument you could say).
 
 
 

Changelessness at the Start

 
 
In a previous post here on Blognostra, “The Nature of Change“ I wrote about change, changelessness and healing. I was even so bold as to refer to myself as Healer. I did qualify that boast about being a Healer as specifically related to the work I do as a Change Artist.

I pointed out in “The Nature of Change“ that my work as a Healer is predicated on leading individual or organizational clients to having an experience of “changelessness that I presume resides at the core of their being. More succinctly I could say that my work is about The Nature of Being” – which is beyond change, i.e.: changeless.

For me this is the essence of all healing … arriving at the point of changelessness. However, for most folks this becomes a semantic discussion. The discussion sinks to the level of the “idea or ideal of changelessness” … an intellectualization, or mental masturbation as I prefer to think of it.

There is another way to approach the discussion, i.e.: somatically. In this way we begin to experience the sensation of changelessness as a whole-form response. This is the aesthetic approach (as opposed to the intellectual approach, i.e.: ontological versus epistemological, sensation versus ideation).
 
 
 

Communication as Representation

 
 
Now maybe we’re onto something.

I want to propose that all communication is representation, i.e.: communication points to something other than itself.

It may be possible to communicate directly in a way that seems pre-representational, e.g.: facial expressions associated with emotional states that are other-than-conscious responses, or pre-conscious responses.

I would push the arguement though that even pre-conscious facial expressions as communication are representational. My arguement is that as communication the facial expressions in question represent something other than themselves, i.e.: a sneer is a particular movement of specific facial muscles in combination, representing contempt for instance.

I would pursue the same tact in discussing any and all somatic response as communication … a “hoc igitur quod” argument, i.e.: as communcation somatic response is representational and no longer just the thing itself.

Anything as itself must by default be in space-time where it is, and visa-versa as communication somewhere else in space-time, even if only by virtue of the delay in translating the message, e.g.:

If in an interaction someone responds by sneering as a result of the contempt they experience by the time the sneer occurs the contempt has already been experienced, and as communication the sneer lags the experience by some distance. This is compounded by the time it takes for the communication to be received and translated by another (if that is included in the communcation equation).
 

All communication, “as communication,” is representative of something other than itself, and points to something in another space-time location than here and now.

 
 
 

Linking Communication, Action … and
Change/Changelessness

 
 

The way we communicate, verbally and non-verbally (i.e.: semantically and somatically), orders our thinking and determines the experience we have despite the actual reality of the thing itself!

 
 
If I bring this back to healing as an example we could consider two alternatives as they are ordered by how we communicate about healing.
 

A) Healing equals cure

-0r-

B) Healing equals acceptance

 
A) In the more typical modern medical view “to heal is a reference to cure or curing the symptoms experienced by the patient. In extreme cases the symptoms are considered to be indicators of impending death, e.g.:

In a simplified description severe septic infection (sepsis) creates a toxic environment in the whole organism overloading the immune system, creating massive inflammation, depriving bodily tissues of oxygen and nutrients, flooding the tissue with waste product, leading septic shock, organ failure and eventually death.

B) In some traditional societies healing is viewed outside of the framework of “cure“ or “curing … and is considered withing the framework of what the modern medical approach calls disease, e.g.:

Someone is diagnosed with some disease, or more simply they are experiencing the symptoms associated with disease as it would be diagnosed within the modern medical model. These symptoms indicate a dysfunction of the relationship of the individual to their environment, themselves or both and the healer seeks to realign the individual in a whole-form way re-establishing systemic balance and integration.

When the disease (i.e.: symptomology) is indicative of a chronic or terminal condition (i.e.: uncurable) the traditional healer seeks to re-establish systemic balance and integration within the framework of the symptoms as they are in the moment … accepting the immediacy of the changelessness of the individual.

The distinction between A) and B) (the modern medical model and the traditional healing model) is largely one of communication that dictates approach. In both systems there is an X/Y paradigm in play, i.e.: cause and effect/this is that.

In both systems the way the immediacy of the experience is communicated about determines what “IT” is for the individuals involved, i.e.:

A) “IT” is a chronic/terminal disease to be dealt with, and the primary outcome would be finding/attempting a cure (even when that’s clearly not an option, e.g.: incurable disease) … “I have “X” which means “Y” (about me and my condition/future) – I am an “X” patient/sufferer/survivor/etc.“

-or-

B) “IT” is a set of symptoms that the individual needs to accept as a part of their experience as they seek to balance and integrate themselves with what is happening … possibly changing the symptoms they experience or not, while remaining aware of themselves as NOT THE SYMPTOMS (OR THE DISEASE) … “I am experiencing “X” which means “Y” – but that is not who/what I am myself.“

While the communication distinctions are subtle, they are significant.

The most significant for our purposes here is the distinction of an ever-present core at the center of one’s being that remains changeless in the face of circumstance or situation (or symptoms), i.e.: WHO you are doesn’t change as a result of the experience you are having.’

If you know “WHO” you are in any given circumstance or situation, you can choose the action you take, and by virtue of choosing the action creating the experience you have as well.

 
 
 
 

Grabbing Hold of the Levers …
and Pushing Your Own Buttons

 
 

In the beginning there was the Word … and the Word became Flesh … – KJV Bible, John 1:1 & 1:14

 
 
Okay, you already know this isn’t a proclamation of theology or religious beliefs. My point is that, Words Become Things … whether those things are tanglible or intangible, they are manifest (one of the things to track for is how the intangible becomes tangible, i.e.: insubtantial non-material ideas that generate substantial material form … “I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.” – J. Robert Oppenheimer

When it comes to taking control of the choices in our lives that generate and organize the experience we have the best place, or at least one of the best places, to start is with your communication.

NOT YOUR LANGUAGE … which is only a fraction of your communication, but must be considered within the larger context of your communication as whole-form, i.e.
 
 

Behavioral Communication … the totality of the communication that generates the perceptions you have, the decisions you make, the actions you take … and the outcomes and experience you generate as a result.

 
 
There are at least three essential aspects to taking control of your choices with regard to your communication:

1. Intentionality

2. Somatic and Sensory Awareness

3. Language in Action (Pragmatics vs. Semantics)

When you take control of your choices you can heal what ails you … even if the symptomology remains “as is” … whether the condition is personal, professional or organizational (for convenience sake let’s consider all relationships organizational for now).
 
 

The key to the model I’m proposing is “Change.”

 
 
 
 
More specically learning how to organize and direct change.

My mentor, teacher and friend, Roye Fraser, liked to talk about directionality – the ability to choose the direction of action and outcome in your life.

I like to talk about cognitive inertia and logical chaining” in the same way … by revealing the internal codes you use to direct your perceptions, decisions, action-taking leading to the outcomes you create (on your own and with others) and experience you have (or not).

Regardless of the languaging you prefer … communication remains near and dear to the heart of change and choice (NOTE: if you cannot change at will you have no choice available to you).

I’ve made it my life’s quest to explore the domain of communication, change and choice … and it’s been an interesting journey.

Two final things for now …

1) One thing I can share with you is this … there are idiots and geniuses in this domain, and what differentiates them from one another has far more to do with learning and application than talent.

2) One thing I will recommend is that if you choose to begin, start with Somatic and Senosory Awareness … there’s some great stuff out there to help point the way, e.g.: “The Body of Life” by Thomas Hanna, any of the physical paths, e.g.: yoga, juggling or acting (especially something like mime), or one of the aesthetic paths, e.g.: photography, painting … (sculpture is particularly powerful as it bridges the visual and kinesthetic in a uniquely three dimensional way in the arts).

… and one more thing …
 
 

I am a HUGE fan of working with a Master myself …

 
 
 
 
Currently I am working with (Lt. Col.) Al Ridenhour, a 7th Degree Master of “Guided Chaos” (Ki Chuan Do – “Way of the Spirit Fist”).

The changes I’ve experienced in a few months of working with Al are remarkable!

There are a few principals in “Guided Chaos” …

• Looseness
• Balance
• Body Unity
• Adaptability

FWIW (I am an absolute rank beginner!) … for me it’s all about getting to Adaptability … and I recognize that I cannnot get there without, looseness, balance and body unity … so I’m learning to walk the path a step at a time.

The key is I’m learning really, really quickly under the guidance of a master of the form.

I did this when I learned how to do high-level protection training with dogs from Bob, I did it again when I learned how to do transformational change work with Roye … and now that I want to refine and polish my movement skills in a self-defense paradigm I’m doing it with Al.

To paraphrase Tom Cruise … “Sitting at the knee of a Master … there is no substitute.” … or doing whatever the heck he/she tells you to as you’re learning … wax on … wax off …
 
 

Or, to quote another master I once knew …
“Who love’s ‘ya baby?”

 
 
Joseph Riggio, Ph.D.
Princeton, NJ
 
 

PS – Summer Intensive Training w/Dr. Joseph Riggio:

 

MythoSelf Behavioral Communication
Professional Certification Training

Presented by ABTI | Princeton and Acuity World, DK

SPECIAL ONE WEEK ONLY OFFER
(expires 19 June 2013)

 

Opps … I made a BIG MISTAKE …

My partner Henrik Wenoe, at Acuity World has been on my case for weeks (months really) to announce this training program to my list … but I’ve simply been swamped.

The Early-Bird pricing “officially” ended on 15 May 2013 … and here we are almost a month later and I haven’t even let folks know about this powerful program we’re running this summer.

So I’m taking the blame and doing what I can to make it up to you …

For the next week you can still get the Early-Bird pricing for either attending the event live in-person, or via Live Internet Simulcast (there’s even an option to pre-purchase just the videos) … when you register directly using this link:

MythoSelf Behavioral Communication – Summer Intensive

You’ll SAVE $3000 from the Regular Investment for this 12-day Intensive program when you attend it live (BTW the investment includes room and board with three meals a day, snacks and coffee/tea/water all day long).

If you want to attend via the Live Internet Simulcast … now broadcast in HD via my private LiveSteam MythoSelf Channel … or pre-purchase the HD video recordings, you’ll be able to take advantage of the Early-Bird pricing as well.

BUT … you must act immediately to get the Early-Bird Pricing (there’s also a three-payment plan I’ve set up for you as well if you want to spread out your payments over three months) …

Here’s the link you need to use to register and get the Early-Bird pricing:

MythoSelf Behavioral Communication – Summer Intensive

 

 

[NOTE: The full program brochure is here: http://www.acuityworld.com/pictures_da/med_clips/Joseph%20Riggio_2013.pdf]